All of us, to some extent, have experience worries in the form of what-ifs.

What-if thoughts do serve a crucial purpose- at times, we need to visualise potential scenarios to help us make decisions in life. However, these thoughts if left unchecked can spiral out of control and cause significant amounts of anxiety and unhealthy stress.

In short, this article provides insights into how to win at the “what if” game.

What is the “what if” game?

Firstly, what is the “what if” game? You’re probably caught in the what-if game when you find yourself in endless cycle of thoughts such as:

“What if something bad is going to happen to me?”

“What if I can’t find the right clothes to wear?”

“What if I get a serious illness?”

“What if I can’t talk to anyone at the party?”

Depending on a person’s circumstances, “what if” thoughts can come in many forms– sometimes they are automatic and out of our awareness. Simply put, if you are often ruminating/worrying about what could possibly go wrong in the form of “what if this” or “what if that”, then you are likely to be caught in the game of “What if”s. 

If you catch yourself in the “what if”game, here’s the thing to remember: your odds of winning the “what if” game, is less than winning the lottery.

For you to win at the “what if” game, you need to opt out of it. And stop playing it. Because anxiety never wants us to be comfortable.

What if you could win this game by not even playing it in the first place?

Here are 3 steps to walk away from the “what if” game:

1) Understand probability vs. possibility

A common problem of the “what if” game is that it does not differentiate between probability and possibility. 

For example, asking question such as “what if someone comes into my room to kill me right now”, or “what if I become the next president?”

While these scenarios are possible but they are not likely to happen. That is, they are not probable.While “probability” is something that is likely to happen, “possibility” is something that could happen. 

One way to opt out of the game, is to notice and acknowledge that you are ruminating on scenarios that are not likely to happen.

2) Focus on problems that are probable and try to solve them

Of course, in many other times, “what if” thoughts are actually probable, and likely to happen. In this case, there are probably actions we can take in the present moment to improve the situation.

To determine what problems are actually solvable, try rating these “what if” scenarios to see how likely they are going to happen on a scale on 1-10. Focus on solving problems that are realistic, instead of fear fantasy that is limited by your imagination.

This can help you identify things that you can do, and it prepares you for realistic ways to cope with the situation.

3) Be careful to not avoid emotions

Usually when you are asking “what if”s question you are likely to face difficult emotions such as anxiousness, fear or even nervousness. And that is completely normal. 

The presence of these emotions doesn’t mean that something bad is going to happen or you had made the wrong choice. It just means you care and want things to go well.

Instead, you want to validate your emotional experience and try to self-soothe. For instance, you might want to talk to a friend, parent or therapist about these emotions. Going for a walk (or any form of exercise), journalling, deep breathing exercises or meditation can help as well.

What kind of what-if thoughts do you experience? Let me know on Instagram @chillbynette. You can also reach out to me via my email at chillbynette@gmail.com.

*All content here is for informational purposes and does not replace individual professional consultations for mental health questions and issues.

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Written By:
Jeannette Qhek
BSc in Psychology & Human Resources (Singapore Management University)
Founder of Chill By Nette