It is two days away from Christmas and I thought of dedicating a Christmas special blog post. 

I am curious to know how this time of the year feels like for you?

Christmas used to be my favourite season as a kid. I think it somewhat still is, but over the years, I came to also realise that this time of the year can be especially overwhelming for me. And why is that? 

This is a time where I feel like I “have to” meet the emotional expectations I set for myself in this supposedly “joyous” season.

I feel that I have to feel and be a certain way. I can be overwhelmed by the choosing of gifts, and scheduling of meet-ups with my friends and loved ones to fully celebrate the season. We say “Merry Christmas” and thus there is usually an unsaid expectation for us to be merrier during this season. 

The more I am in touch with my feelings, the more I know this can be somewhat challenging for me. I am able to see what is reality and what are expectations. When I am more mindful of how I am feeling, I know that it is perhaps unrealistic to be all joyous in a time when I don’t feel my best internally. The more I push myself to feel a certain way, the more misaligned I get in terms of how I portray myself on the outside as compared to the inside of me. And this usually leaves me feeling more drained or “not enough” during a holiday or festive season, which often can impact the quality of time spent with my loved ones.

I have been learning to cultivate more compassion not just for others but also for myself. There’s no need to laugh or be joyous if we don’t feel like it. In fact, a holiday season is a perfect opportunity for us to be more mindful and be present with ourselves. It is a perfect opportunity for us to slow down and check in with ourselves. We can be more in touch with ourselves and ask ourselves what do we truly feel, what do we need? And if need be, how can we ask for more support from our friends and family this season?

Maybe it is also about cultivating more self-compassion for ourselves if we do not feel as hyped and joyous as the others around us? Maybe it is also telling ourselves that it is okay to over-indulge in festive goodies and not be too hard up on ourselves? Maybe it is taking courage to communicate more authentically with the people around us.

Whatever compassion looks like for you, know that it is alright and sometimes what we need more of is also self-forgiveness for not meeting our own or others’ expectations of ourselves.

This time of the year, or holiday seasons in general, has always been quite overwhelming for me. But it was also not until this year that I come to acknowledge this. Even though, it feels overwhelming for me in the past, I don’t talk about any degree of overwhelmingness or anxiousness felt within me. Maybe I was not used to being in touch with how I feel, or I might also be afraid of being seen as odd if I start sharing and communicating these uneasy feelings and truth within me. I sometimes find myself coping with the overwhelmingness among the festiveness by trying to match the energy of others around me during gatherings, or exerting a front to match the festive mood which is in contrast to what I feel on the inside. 

I am still unlearning, and also learning to embrace all that is within me. The joyousness as well as the less obvious overwhelmingness.

This year, I hope to be able to spend time with my friends and family, and enjoy their company within my capacity. I am learning not to judge my food consumption. I will prepare for difficult conversations but also embrace self-forgiveness for myself when I don’t meet the expectations of my desired outcome. I will learn that it is okay to say “no” even if others are disappointed. I hope that I am able to embrace more of who I am on the inside instead while bringing more love and authenticity to others in this season.

Albeit a great time to catch up and spend time with loved ones, the holidays can be an overwhelming time for some of us. And I just want to say that I hope this post has brought you some comfort and also awareness that you’re not the only one, if you are having strong contradictory feelings during this season. Let’s stay present, mindful and celebrate ourselves for who we are this season! 

Hereby, wishing all a Mindful Merry Christmas! Also, don’t forget to check out the Christmas special episode [EP 26: Feelings of Inadequacy (Part 1): Learning Self- Forgiveness]

Written By:
Jeannette Qhek
BSc in Psychology & Human Resources (Singapore Management University)
Voice of Chill By Nette