I have been asking myself: Why practice mindfulness? 

What is the purpose? Everybody has a different answer. For me, it is so that I can become a better version of myself for myself, and for my loved ones around me through an “increased awareness”- An increased awareness of who I want to be, what matters to me, what kind of relationships I want, what I value etc. But this awareness mentioned needs to be effortfully cultivated. And how is it cultivated? I believe there are different ways such as “journalling”, “talking to a friend” etc. But one powerful way is also cultivating this awareness through “mindfulness practices”.

I have to admit that I was initially interested in mindfulness because I was under quite a bit of stress at some point in my life. I was not in a very healthy mental state. I wanted something that could instantly relieve my stress, and I heard that mindfulness practices could help with that.

But if we are hoping to get some sort of immediate or instant valuable outcome or “feel-good” feeling from practicing mindfulness,  it is very easy for us to be disappointed or even come to give up practicing it completely. And I wanted to at some point. I found it boring or sometimes even pointless, let alone counting on it to reduce any of my stresses. I told myself it was “all fluff”.

But still, I continued on with my practice. 

Throughout these few months of engaging in mindfulness practices, I am eventually starting to notice what it actually offers and does in reality. And that is, practicing mindfulness helps to generate an increased awareness of my tendencies (eg. fear of socialising yet strong desire to connect, being easily angered or frustrated etc.) All these tendencies have an impact on our well-being as it impacts the relationship we have with not just others but ourselves. 

Over time, instead of having some sort of expectation that mindfulness can help me to “reduce stress” or “feel relaxed”,  my motivation for practicing mindfulness gradually shifted from “stress reduction” to “awareness generating”. With this new motivation, I find myself enjoying my practice more. Actually, I don’t necessarily see both goals as mutually exclusive.

I think with an increased awareness, you make better choices that serve your well-being. You form better relationships etc which naturally makes you a “happier person who is less stressed”. I find that using “awareness generating” as my motivation helps me stick to my practices more. Because each time I practice there is something to learn about myself. There is always awareness generated. 

WHAT IS MINDFULNESS?

And what exactly is mindfulness right? I mean there are so many ways to define it.

Some say it is “being in the present moment”, ”being spiritual”, while others say it is “a way of life”. To a certain extent, it can in fact mean different things to different people, depending on how one incorporates it in their life. For me, it means any degree of awareness of what is happening within us and outside of us in the present reality. And awareness here is “noticing without judgement”.

Mindfulness is not hard to define honestly. It is a simple concept that is almost defined the same way across the internet. But I am slowly starting to see that you can only know mindfulness  as much as you come to practice it. Not by reading about it or attending classes (unless the class involves some practices). Because no matter where you read or hear about mindfulness, it is almost the same.

It is your actual practice that will reveal what mindfulness is to you. And while understanding the concept is pretty easy, it is the practice that requires effort. It is practicing it over a sustained period that is challenging. I personally think that we can’t really understand mindfulness unless we practice it. And how much we know about it is how much we practice.

I think it helps to also see mindfulness as a muscle, one that we all have but is often under-trained. You know how when we train our physical muscles, we head to the gym? To train our mindfulness muscles, we engage in mindfulness practices!

Our strength of awareness does not automatically increase with a few short mindfulness practices over a few days. Instead, it is increased through an effortful long-term incorporation of these practices in our everyday lives. 

HOW TO PRACTICE?

Next question is, how to practice?

I find that the easiest way is to find daily instances and use them as an opportunity. From eating our food, taking a shower, to replying to emails etc. When we pay attention to the activity at hand mindfully each time (most commonly by engaging in one or more of our five senses) and notice what comes up without judgement, we are actually strengthening our mindfulness muscle each time we do this.

It also helps to treat each activity like it’s your first time doing it. This means practicing mindfulness also takes some intentional slowing down. You might think: “okay that’s easy”. Yes, it is easy to understand. But how often do we do it? And what do we actually face or feel when we do it? Sometimes we might find ourselves forgetting or feeling lazy about it. Or we may find ourselves rushing and having no time to slow down.

Some may even find it difficult to do so because they are so used to multi-tasking that they are not able to do one thing at a time. Slowing down is not natural for most of us. The whole practice of mindfulness is also then about noticing and reflecting on these tendencies that we have. 

To be honest, I find myself finding it hard to make these effortful practices part of my every day. I know they are crucial for me in order to become more mindful, yet the truth is, I struggle. Sometimes I forget, and other times I am in a rush and hence I consciously choose to skip it. I am trying to make it as everyday as possible, but it is really hard. But that’s also part of the practice. It is noticing what you are telling yourself when you forget or feel lazy to practice. If we are curious, we can learn a lot about ourselves throughout this whole process.

Yes, even outside of the times we deliberately engage in a practice. The “wakefulness” and the “heightened awareness” that is cultivated in every deliberate practice has carry-over effects on other aspects of our lives.

I’ve learnt that other ways to strengthen our mindfulness muscles include taking a few moments to connect with our breath, with the aim to stay grounded in the present moment. This is commonly done when we are sitting down or lying down. Basically when we are not in motion. The purpose of this is to notice how much our mind wanders to the “past” or “future” (in ways that are not serving us) instead of being in the “present”.

It could be thinking about a mistake we made in the past or anticipating too much about future events. Each time we notice, we can connect ourselves back to the present moment by leveraging on our breath as an anchor. I shared about how we can do so in [EP 17: Cultivating Mindfulness (Part 2): How to enter a mindful moment].

To some extent, I find that this ability of bringing ourselves back to the present moment can help to alleviate feelings of anxiousness and stress.

If I can add to the episode I published a while ago, with the increased knowledge I now have, I would say that there are many ways to enter a mindful moment. Connecting with our breath is not the one and only way. For instance, when we are walking, we can start paying attention to the sensations of how our feet feels when it hits the ground.

This is also part of entering into a mindful moment (Specifically, it is part of what is called “mindful walking”), which I have shared in [EP 18: Cultivating Mindfulness (Part 3): Importance of a Morning Routine]. Deliberately engaging one or more of our five senses while going about our daily routines such as eating a meal, is another way as well which I had mentioned in [EP 23: Relationship with Food: Being at the Extreme End]. There are probably more ways which I haven’t come to learn yet. 

Based on my current understanding, to practice mindfulness is to incorporate these little moments of mindfulness. They may seem really little, but they strengthen our ability to be mindful. Each time we practice entering these little mindful moments, we can say that we are in the process of “cultivating mindfulness” or “strengthening our muscle”, or simply put, increasing our awareness of what is around us and within us in the present moment.

That is the ability to be mindful. And our ability to be mindful in a given present moment depends on how strong or weak our mindfulness muscle is. The stronger our mindfulness muscle, the longer we are able to stay grounded in the present moment, as opposed to having our mind racing off to somewhere else quickly.

We can also sustain our attention better. The strength of our muscles is not permanent either. If we don’t practice on a regular basis, we find the strength of these muscles declining.

BENEFITS OF MINDFULNESS

This is one thing that I have noticed constantly throughout my practice. I feel that as I make an effort to incorporate these mindfulness practices in my day-to-day life, the more I am able to stay in the present moment. Be it when I am talking to someone or engaging in a daily routine task (eating, drinking, walking etc).

This is also not to say that with the practice of mindfulness I don’t engage in unhelpful past or future thoughts anymore. I still do. My mind still wanders (a lot), and it is only natural and essential for our human mind to sometimes be thinking about the past and future. I think it is more about cultivating awareness and being able to notice when we are engaging in these past/ future thoughts in an unhelpful way. Or in a way that is not serving us and others around us.

When we are aware of our thoughts, they have less impact and control over us. And I guess more importantly, when I realise myself ruminating about the past or worrying about the future in unhealthy and excessive ways (which often is the source of my stress), I am able to catch myself faster and bring myself to connect with the present moment. As the saying goes, “a wandering mind is not a happy mind.”

Apart from the fact that it helps us engage less in excessive past or future thinking which can be mentally draining for us, I think the ability to stay in the present is also crucial if we want to give someone our undivided attention, which is really hard to do these days with all kinds of distractions we have around us.

And lastly, this increased ability to stay longer in the present moment is also able to benefit our well-being as it helps us make choices and respond in a way that heals and connects us at a given moment. For instance, if we are triggered, our first instinct might be to retaliate in ways which are harmful to the self and others. However, with a deeper awareness in the present moment we might come to see that our real desire is to protect our close relationship or perhaps to feel loved.

And hence, from that heightened awareness we can choose an action that can bring us closer to what we truly desire in the present moment. And this ability is a precious gift! A gift that we all have a choice to cultivate.

“Wherever you are, be there totally.”- Eckhart Tolle

Written By:
Jeannette Qhek
BSc in Psychology & Human Resources (Singapore Management University)
Voice of Chill By Nette