LOOKING AHEAD

Hi Folks! It’s 2022, and we are halfway through the first month of the year.

The beginning of a new year is another opportunity to pause and reflect. It is a time that stirs up a lot of feelings within me. I’d say it is a mixture of anxiousness, pridefulness, and also excitement. Anxiousness stems from more thinking about the future during this period- thinking about the gap between where I’d want to be and where I am currently at. Pridefulness as well as I look back and celebrate how far I have come regardless of some of the failures and past mistakes I’ve made. I celebrate the things that went well too. The times when I doubted myself but still managed to show up. The times when I just felt I couldn’t but still survived. I also feel the excitement to harness the energy that comes with each new year. To set new goals, new habits etc.

I habitually see the new year as a checkpoint for me to pause and reflect, and I do this because I choose to. I see it as a chance to mindfully examine my current state. I would think this energy that comes with the beginning of the year is more often than not beneficial, because 1) it serves as an opportunity to reflect on the autopilot-ness in many aspects of my life 2) naturally then, I will come to feel motivated to make certain changes which may serve as a main reason why I am often propelled, at the beginning of the year, to “set goals”, “action plans”, “new year resolutions” or whatever you may call it.

Like many, this habit of goal-setting during the the beginning of any year has been a part of me since young. Just that probably how I approach it now (in the recent two years) has been quite different from the past.

The key difference is probably the incorporation of mindfulness in the process of the yearly routine, which also explains the title behind this blog post. In short, this blog post explores the role of “mindfulness” in goal-setting.

It shares my thoughts around what I mean by mindfulness in the context of goal-setting, why it is important, and how it serves as an important foundation towards any sort of goal-setting. So this is going to be a relevant post still, even if you don’t have a habit of setting goals in the new year. I am sure we all set goals during some point in our lives. Because setting goals is just a natural by-product of our desires. It can be referred to a specific end state (outcome goals), or even smaller specific actionable steps taken as a means to achieve a larger end state (process goals).

And as humans, we all have desires. So, we all set goals in one way or another.

Hence, this topic is not specific to just the new year but since this is something I habitually do during the beginning of the year, I thought that there was no better opportunity other than now to share.

RIGID AND MINDLESS RESOLUTIONS

Perspective #1: “Setting goals out of a habit“ (New Year’s Resolution)

There has always been an unconscious urge for me to rush into setting goals at the beginning of the year. Once the new year strikes, I would find an inner voice asking: “What are my resolutions?” And then I would make a list, often without engaging in much thought. Sometimes it could be listing them down in my head, other times it could be writing them out.

And it often looks like:

-Getting a new job

-Getting a pay increment of x%

-Hitting the gym 3 times every week

-Limit my screen time to 2 hours a day

Not to mention that, every year somewhat revolves around the same things. Goal-setting in this way can somewhat be considered quite mindless. It is a part of the autopilot-ness in my life. Evidently, I used to be someone who sets a long list of resolutions only to not even check off half the items on the list.

To be clear, I am not dismissing any of those goals. Some are actually quite actionable and specific goals which might sometimes be needed as part of an action plan at some point as we strive towards our desired outcomes. But of course, some can also be overly-ambitious wishful thinking which are difficult to achieve in the first place.

But more importantly, by setting rigid and specific goals without taking time to understand our main motivator and our “why” can leave us in a less desirable state than we were prior to setting them. Not only would we not feel fulfilled, we may come to even feel more unfulfilled or resentful. However, specific goals can at times be extremely helpful when we actually know why we want to set them and when they are associated with a meaningful underlying purpose.

Research has also indicated that approximately only 16% of people who set New Year’s resolutions actually follow through their goals. It got me thinking hard. What might possibly account for the differences between those people who do and those people who don’t? Apart from individual differences, could it also be the type of goals set? Maybe partly. Some people set more realistic and achievable goals than others. Some thrive better in the face of failures. Some are also wise enough to incorporate more flexibility perhaps?

But I came to realise that oftentimes people who don’t follow through are perhaps also not setting goals that are in alignment with their inner desires. Of course, how we come to scope and write our goals also play a part in how likely we are in achieving them. However, I personally think it is less about the nature of the goals (i.e whether they are specific or flexible, measurable or not) but rather the driver behind the goals. It is the driver that keeps us going when we fail and motivates us to make re-adjustments as and when required.

Perspective #2: “Setting goals as a form of escapism.”

Sometimes, I also notice that we can subconsciously set goals as a form of escapism. These goals are usually outcome goals like “getting a new job”, “going for a vacation” etc. These future “end-states” are often associated with heightened positive feelings in our mind. When we are dissatisfied with our current state, we can engage in more wishful thinking of getting somewhere else that seems more desirable, without paying attention to what we really need and what we truly want in a given present moment. This dissatisfaction of our current state can stem from many things- unresolved past trauma, a sense of perceived “lack” or sometimes fear. We often leverage on the imagining of a desirable end-state (the goal) as a solution to deal with our dissatisfaction or discomfort in our current state.

Perspective #3: “Goal-setting is a natural and neutral thing. It is a part of life”

“Setting goals” itself is a neutral thing. It isn’t good. It isn’t bad. It all depends on how we go about it. But I know it can be quite bad when we do it mindlessly.

Setting goals is also a natural thing. To some extent, we live our day to day setting goals without even noticing we are engaging in goal-setting. When we say we want to go to the movies this weekend, this in itself is an example of an outcome goal we set. Yes it is a goal. A goal is just basically the desire to get to an end-state. To get out of bed this morning was also a goal in itself. In that way, I come to see that our everyday life is made up of various instances of goal-setting, be it big or small.

INTRODUCING “INTENTIONS”

The New Year is seen as the season for goal-setting. Before we all rush into our goal-setting for the year, I think perhaps we might want to take some time to think about what it is that we really want? Because, if we rush into making new goals (regardless what form or format they are in) without giving any real thought, then to a certain extent, it probably doesn’t serve us any differently than having it as part of our autopilot-ness of life. 

There is a difference in “setting goals to get to where we truly desire” vs. “setting goals for the sake of setting goals, setting goals based on just what others deem as desirable, setting goals to avoid an unpleasant situation etc.”

Two goals can look identical on paper, but have very different underlying intentions.

If we set goals without considering what is it that we really truly want, without taking a pause to listen to what it is that our inner heart is calling for, will the setting of goals fulfil its primary purpose of getting us to where we want to be? 

FIGURING OUT THE “WHAT” & THE “HOW” FIRST

So, when we look back at the time we set goals for ourselves, let’s pause for a moment and think about these 2 things:

1. “THE WHAT” Are they really what I want? Perhaps think of the larger driver behind these goals assuming you say that you want a “new job”, now why is it that we want a new job. What is the driver? Are there certain possible fears, insecurities or unpleasantness that you are escaping from? There has to be a convincing enough reason.

• My point is when we overly focused on the end state (eg. hitting the gym 3 times a week), we may not come to notice the real driver behind our actions. When I say driver I don’t mean a driver like “because I want to lose 5 kg”, “because I want to be fit”. Those are still goals (“outcome goals”). And that is still an external end-state. When I talk about drivers, I am referring to what is it that is driving us internally? Is it because we want to cultivate a healthier relationship with our body? Or do we desire to cultivate more respect and love for our body? And the point is, this driver here is especially important when we think of the goals we set for ourselves. Finding out what is our driver behind each goal we set requires us to incorporate more mindfulness and awareness as to what is it internally that is driving us towards an outward doing or desire.

2. “THE HOW” How should I go about setting our goals? This part influences how we eventually behave and act as we strive towards the goals we set. There are many ways to skin a cat, just like how there are many ways to arrive at an end destination. 

• “The How” takes into consideration questions like: “Even if I manage to hit my goals, I wonder if I can actually achieve a good balance between different aspects of my life?” This question is directly linked to the type of goals we set. How flexible are they, how realistic are they, in what way it is framed etc. Is there a way to set my goals such that in striving towards my goals I maximise the most effectiveness and potential value out of them? Is there a way to set my goals such that I don’t compromise other important personal values in the process but instead promote them in the process? More specifically, is there a way to design my goals such that in the process of striving towards my goals, I feel more fulfilled and less drained?

   

• For example, hitting the gym 3 times a week may be achievable for some, but not very achievable for another. The “how” takes into account the “being” we inherently are (our values, our thinking patterns and personality), and examines what kind of environment and external method maximises the greatest output when we shift from a state of “being” to “doing” and in striving towards achieving our goal. Each individual varies and certain techniques work better for some than others because we are all wired differently. Some people don’t work well with overly specific and rigid goals. The argument here is when we set super rigid and strict goals, we are also more prone to failure, in a sense “not accomplishing a certain task” and that often creates a certain sense of shame, guilt and we might come to give up our entire list of resolutions all together. Some of us might even form an avoidance- mentality around those initial goals because we don’t want to feel bad or guilty about ourselves.  This means that we can move further away from where we want to be instead of being a step closer to whoever we might envision ourselves to be when we set those goals!

   

• That is why how we strive for our goals are also important to consider apart from the actual goal itself, and we can consider them based on our knowledge and awareness of ourselves. Awareness of our states, thoughts, feelings and emotions etc. This is also where mindfulness comes in. Mindfulness helps us to explore our internal states, and also explore various external techniques that fits.

What I believe is despite all the various goal-setting frameworks out there, there is no one way to set and strive for our goals just like how there are no one right way to live our lives. I am not offering a rigid guideline or specific approach towards our goal-setting but what I am proposing is taking into consideration as many thinking points as we can, so that we can formulate an approach that is best for us. 

This is in essence cultivating mindfulness in goal-setting. So how can we cultivate more mindfulness in goal-setting?

The answer lies in “Setting Intentions” which I have introduced in [EP 28: Looking Ahead 2022: Setting Intentions and Not Resolutions]. By setting intentions, we are actually cultivating more mindfulness around our goal-setting process .

The process and act of setting intentions itself is “mindfulness”. It creates awareness around why we are setting a goal in the first place by looking into our thoughts, emotions and feelings within us. It also generates awareness towards how we want to behave and show up as we are striving towards the goals we set for ourselves. It guides us in the state of being.

By setting intentions, we may come to set more purposeful goals (i.e goals that are truly what matters to us) and also more effective goals (i.e goals that fits in with how we operate as a being). Once we set our intentions “right”, we can set our goals based on what we truly desire. Not only that, setting intentions also serves as a guide to how we want to achieve our goals.

WHAT ARE “INTENTIONS?”

Specifically, what I am proposing here is:

Avoid jumping straight into mindless “rigid resolutions” at the beginning of the year and move towards slow, effortful, mindful “intention setting” instead.

“Resolutions” and “Intentions” may not always be opposite ends of the same spectrum but I am speaking for those cases when they are. (i.e., where resolutions points to taking a rigid and mindless approach in goal-setting , while intentions points towards setting goals in a more mindful way)

Intention serves as the foundation behind our “goals” that we eventually set throughout the year in the various aspects of our lives. 

So what exactly are  “Intentions” in the context of goal-setting?

Intentions require us to really look into our internal states, qualities and desires. When we set an intention we are essentially setting guiding principles based on our inner desires that guide our daily behaviours and choices. They energies us in our day-to-day in positive ways. 

I do not have a definite answer on what exactly constitutes as “Intentions” but here is the definition which I’ve tried my best to put together:

1. “Intentions” offers the “why” behind our specific goals and action plans, other times it also offers the “how”- how we want to behave, how we want to show up to ourselves and navigate our relationships while we strive towards our goals.
2. They are like general guiding principles
3. It is usually more focused on the “state of being” as opposed to an “end goal”.
4. There is no pass or fail.
5. Broadly defined.
6. With intentions, the intent is also to focus more on the internal as opposed to external. Meaning they are less of doing, but more of being or focusing on a particular state of mindset or guiding principle.
7. And because of 1-6, intentions are also more motivating, kinder, flexible and increase our chances of our desired outcomes in the area of personal growth and wellness! (i.e., become physically & mentally healthier, happier, connected and more aligned to who we want to be etc.)
8. Intentions can be revised daily, weekly or even yearly. The point is to have a few of them that help guide us in our day to day behavior.
9. It is dependent on what really matters to us at this point in our lives.
10. In a broad sense, intentions can be both internal and both external (in my opinion). When I say internal and external what I mean is they can be internally-focused or externally-focused, but they are primarily still driven internally. Externally focused intentions have to do with focusing on things which are outside of ourselves. For example, cultivating more body movements everyday, strengthening our physical strength, eating healthier food etc. That said, the beauty of intention lies in the fact that they are often internally-focused (i.e., a focus on our internal qualities which are not so tangible or measurable). Internal intentions typically focuses on a type of mindset which can include “being more mindful and present”, “cultivating more internal validation”, “prioritising my mental health”

Lastly, I would say intentions are an expansion of our bigger personal values. Or rather, they are rooted in our personal values 🙂 

I personally think each intention may be supported by a even bigger life value like “connection”, “love”,” holistic wellness”,”authenticity”, “self-expression”, “altruism”, “beauty” and etc.

(yes, these are also somewhat my own internal values as far as I am aware of.)

HOW TO SET INTENTIONS?

1. Find out your inner desires! This can be tough to be honest. It requires quite a bit of introspection and awareness before we can know this. But the act of setting intentions also forces us to look into what it is that we ultimately want? This can be having a better relationship with our family. This can be learning more about a particular subject. This can be improving your own physical, mental and spiritual self. Oftentimes, we can confuse our own desires with others’ desires. For instance when we work on improving our external circumstances, achieving a certain weight/ appearance or to attain a certain material possession….we might be doing it out of our tendency to please others or show others, to seek out validation. Or we can even come to do it to reduce our own insecurities and fears. On this note, make sure that we are doing it for ourselves, out of love for ourselves (and others) and not based on our subconscious fears and insecurities. Then again, what we want can really vary from individual to individual but it’s good to ask yourself what do you want first! If you manage to find some answers here, then great!
2. It helps to focus and brainstorm on our internal qualities/ values. Eg. authenticity, connecting with others, appreciating beauty, kindness, creativity. When we look internally as opposed to externally, we come to find some key values that are often the things that we want to live by. And living by them usually gives us some sort of fulfilment. List them down. I do think it takes a certain level of experience and going through life to eventually know what our values are. But once we figure that out, try expanding on them. Our intentions are usually an expansion of our values.
3. Reflect on past lessons learnt. Usually it is hard to know what matters to us and it can be hard to know our values too, but when we reflect on our past lessons learnt we come to find important things that we want to carry forward with us and hence, looking at our past lessons learnt can be helpful!
4. Lastly, frame them in a way that energizes us! It should be something that we can wake up in the morning and feel energized about. It should motivate us instead of making us feel really pressured and stressed. Ideally, they should serve as daily affirmations and reminders that guide us in our daily activities.
5. They are worded as a general broad guiding principles i.e “I intend to cultivate more self-love”, “I intend to harness more creativity”, “I intend to show up to others authentically”.

I would say if we are setting a yearly intention, perhaps having 4-6 main ones are good enough. However, in our day to day or week to week, we can incorporate more daily intentions as well.

When we manage to come up with our intentions based on the above five pointers, know that the intentions are also our guiding principles to not just our goals.. but also our happiness and fulfilment. How much we live our day-to-day according to our intention is how fulfilled we would be as a person. It is difficult. And I think most of us live with “dissonance” instead most of the time, including myself.

For me, I also find that it helps to have an overarching intention that wraps up the other intentions. It is like the theme of the year! For example, it could be “presence” or “self-forgiveness”. These are usually one or two words which act as a broader guiding principle for the other intentions that you have set.

The beautiful thing about intentions is that there is no right or wrong, as long as you feel good reading them, they energize and motivate you to be better, then I think you’re on the “right” track!

I have made a template for us to pen down our intentions. Download template here.

LEVERAGING ON INTENTIONS FOR A MORE MINDFUL “GOAL-SETTING”

Intentions are never meant to replace goals. This was something that I emphasized in [EP 29: Looking Ahead 2022 (Part 2): A Mindful Approach Towards Goal-Setting]. Focusing on intentions does not mean you give up your goals or desire to achieve an end destination. In fact, they help us make more connected goals and they serve as a guide and teach us how to strive towards our goals. I personally think that goal setting or setting specific action plans comes after we have set our intentions. In fact, there are many instances in a given year, or even in a day that we come to set goals. Definitely we don’t have to start listing all of them down at the start of the year but it is good to take some time at the start of the year to think about our broader intentions, so we can set our smaller goals and action plans throughout the year more purposefully, taking into consideration our broader intentions.

When it comes to goals there are also short-term goals and long-term goals. But honestly the topic of goal setting is a bit broad. It is really as broad as it can get. In [EP 29: Looking Ahead 2022 (Part 2): A Mindful Approach Towards Goal-Setting], I have selected and shared a few specific goal-setting tips we can adopt when it comes to the setting of actual goal setting and setting of the action plan itself.

THE SIBLING RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN GOALS AND INTENTION

“Intention” is sometimes like the bigger sibling to “Goal”. Our intentions tells us what we want as goals. It helps us set more purposeful goals which are more aligned. Intention is the “mindfulness” in goal-setting.

– Jeannette Qhek

#1 Intention tells us what goals to set.

For instance, if one of my intentions is to cultivate a better relationship with my body. If this is what I think truly resonates with my inner self, then my specific action plan can be to educate myself around the hunger scale, make a habit to listen to podcasts weekly on related content and practice how to read my hunger skills during every meal. This can be the specific plan or goal. But the point is, it is cultivated around our broad intention.

It is still important to have specific goals as our goals are the external method of how we live out our intentions. It is created to meet a greater purpose and because we have set our intentions first based on our inner drive, we are likely to be more motivated to stick to our action plan and specific goals, as opposed to just any other typical new year resolution type of goal that jumps straight into the specific to-dos.

I would say that the type and nature of goals do matter as well and there are readily available tools such as S.M.A.R.T, and “If-then planning” technique to help us which I have elaborated in [EP 29: Looking Ahead 2022 (Part 2): A Mindful Approach Towards Goal-Setting]. Research also points that the way we frame our goal is essential in determining whether we achieve them. Approach goals as opposed to avoidance goals are generally more effective. Approach goals are goals framed to move towards a positive outcome. Avoidance goals, in contrast, are ones in which the stated objective is to move away from an undesired state. For instance instead of setting a goal to “reduce/ limit phone screen time” where the objective is to move away from an undesired state, we can set a goal of “engaging in more outdoor activities”.

But ultimately, despite what techniques we eventually incorporate into the setting of our goals, I come to also see that how determined we are in sticking to our goals has also a lot to do with the strength of our intentions, apart from what specific techniques are used and how the goals are set.

#2 Intention tells us how to go about striving for our goals. 

Sometimes intentions are important because they teach us how we want to strive towards our goals. For instance, let’s say one of my intentions is to cultivate more self-compassion and self-forgiveness for myself. This means that while striving hard to meet my goals and when I fall short of my expectations I remind myself of this intention and perhaps I will tend to respond in a way that is kinder and more loving which in turn keeps me motivated in the longer run. In a way, it also allows for more flexibility and less rigidity which in turns increases the odds of achieving what I want.

Another perspective is, in the striving of specific goals, can we also do it in a way that meets more of our intentions? For instance, if one of my goals is to take a walk in nature for 1 hour weekly based on the intention of cultivating a healthier mind and body, then, I am also aware that one of my other intentions is to spend more time with my family. Hence, in the striving of my goal to take a walk in nature, can I consider the possibility of doing it with my family as opposed to going for the walk alone? When we are aware of our intentions, we can also strive for our goals in a way that meets our other intentions to maximise the most value and fulfilment out of our goals! 🙂 

LAST WORDS

Goals and intentions shouldn’t be viewed separately or in a mutually exclusive manner. In fact, they complement each other to help us strive towards becoming the person that is aligned to who we want to be, in healthy and meaningful ways. It makes us more connected as a person. While goals are usually made up of tangible to-dos, focused on future destination, intentions are not so tangible because they are guiding principles (usually with a focus on our relationship with the self or others), they are lived by each day regardless whether we achieve our goals. It is a life-long journey when it comes to intentions. But both are equally important as I think that intentions without tangible actions might not get us very far. However, by having action plans and strict goals without really first figuring out what our intentions are, may backfire and leave us feeling exhausted and tired. I would say intentions serve as the foundation for more aligned goal-setting, regardless what kind of goal-setting techniques we come to use!

Also intentions can be set yearly, daily or even monthly, they don’t have to be yearly, as long as we make the effortful habit to revisit and revise them if needed periodically. We can’t just set them once and not look back at them again for adjustments.

And regardless how often it is reviewed, I think it is important to remind ourselves often. The more frequent the better. I would recommend that we remind ourselves of it on a daily basis. Write our intentions down. Keep them somewhere visible. Talk to a friend about it or even share them to our social media accounts.

The “new year” may not necessarily cultivate a “new you” but if we take the moment to soak in some things I have shared in this post, the “new year” may give you “new things to think about” in approaching your current life, the current you, which may cultivate a “new you” in that sense.

Written By:

Jeannette Qhek
BSc in Psychology & Human Resources (Singapore Management University)
Voice of Chill By Nette