Today, I am going to share with you this quote by Thomas Mitchell: 

“One of the best secrets of a happy life is the art of extracting comfort and sweetness from every circumstance…People are always looking for happiness at some future time and in some new thing, or some new set of circumstances, in possession of which they some day expect to find themselves. But the fact is, if happiness is not found now, where we are, and as we are, there is little chance of it ever being found. There is a great deal more happiness around us day by day than we have the sense or power to seek and find. If we are to cultivate the art of living, we should cultivate the art of extracting sweetness and comfort out of everything, as the bee goes from flower to flower in search of honey.” — Thomas Mitchell

I relate very much to this quote. The truth is I had never felt happier in the past year; even when we are stuck in the waiting for the world’s recovery from the Covid-19 pandemic situation, deprived of “new” experiences such as dining out at new restaurants, going for that overseas trip etc, I seem to be happier with life. The term “happy” is a broad and subjective concept. To set the context for this post, I am referring to short-term feelings of pleasurable emotions such as joy. 

Before the pandemic, I was a lot more busy with life. My everyday life was filled with endless leisure activities, and I am constantly in motion. Not to mention that sometimes these activities can also take up a lot of money and time. However, I did not necessarily feel happier back then, even when life was filled with these seemingly “happier” activities which dominated most parts of my day.

But strangely, I find myself in a happier state now. Well, maybe it is the situation which I am caught in that had propelled me to explore new ways to cope with life and got me wondering: “does our happiness really have to be dependent on external forces?”

What inspired me to write this post was a random conversation during a meet-up with a few close friends recently. I asked them this question: What do you guys value in life?

All of them told me that they wanted to be happy. And I further asked, “what do you think makes you happy?”

They told me things like “when this wait is over”, “when life goes back to normal and we can travel again”, or “when I get my expected promotion by the end year”. But do you see where this thinking is also creating a lot of unhappiness too? Sooner or later, we realise that when our days are filled with these thoughts, most parts of our days will be rather unhappy. This thinking also suggests that our happiness might predominantly be dependent on external forces, such as “achieving the next goal”.

I believe that if we do not feel happy in this moment, and we keep believing that something else is going to give us that happiness, it’s unlikely that we are going to maximise our happiness in this lifetime. Reason being we are also depending a lot on external things for our happiness which we have absolutely no control over. Instead of seeing what can be done now that is within our control, we look at what’s outside of us that is “not going right”.

It is easy to externally attribute our negative states such as feelings of “inadequacy”, “loneliness” or “emptiness”, and as humans, we all possess the tendency to do so.

Secondly, if we are constantly thinking about the “next thing” that can bring us happiness (i.e next vacation, next promotion, next milestone), it is unlikely that we will maximise our happiness. For instance, going to a new restaurant makes me happy; but the moment I leave the restaurant, I might also be thinking when is the next “happy moment” going to be? Most parts of our days are going to be filled with thinking or waiting for the next “happy moment”.

And when we look at this journey called life, how much of those extraordinary moments makes up our life? Probably only a really small part. And the other large part of life is made up of ordinary and mundane moments.

Hence, to maximise our happiness in life (assuming it is important to us), I believe is to see happiness as something that can be found in the here and now, in our most mundane and ordinary moments. I truly believe in that. When we focus on how to make ordinary moments of life more enjoyable, I think that is how we can maximise our happiness.

We have all heard of the saying “when one door closes, the other door opens”. Yes, the travel doors may have closed due to the pandemic situation, but other doors have also opened, and can we see that? Can we find happiness in what we have?

Maybe it’s good to pause and ask ourselves this: 

What is it about travelling that makes us happy? Is it in the fact that we are able to experience something new? We can spend time connecting with new people and cultures? I personally think that when we are travelling, our senses are heightened because of the new place we are in. We start to savour our food more and be 100% in touch with the new cuisines we are trying out, or we tend to feel the air around us more in a new environment.

We also tend to experience everything in a slower and careful manner. Maybe it is all of these aspects that makes travelling an experience that brings so much happiness to us. When we are travelling, we pay more attention to our experiences and immerse ourselves more in the present moment.

Based on this, can we recreate this in our day-to-day life? 

I have been thinking that “if you are not happy now, you cannot really be happy”. I say this because I have learnt that happiness comes from feeling and savouring the simplest things in life. 

For instance, by focusing on my breath, I feel more connected with the present moment. It channels my mind to the fact that I am alive, it reminds me of this and I start to be able to feel my surroundings more and this gives me happiness. If you don’t believe me I encourage you to try it! Try immersing ourselves in a conversation completely, without looking at our phones.

Engage our five senses when we are talking to someone we love, notice new things about them that you had not noticed before. Be it the shape of their eyebrows, the shape of their eyes, the actions they tend to make etc – try to discover something new every time you connect with someone.

When we meet new people it’s automatic that we try to learn more about others, but when it comes to the same old things in our lives, we might think that we already know everything and there’s nothing interesting. Instead, when we focus our attention on other “interesting” things that are currently out of reach (maybe that’s also why they are interesting), we tend to feel all sorts of unhappiness.

However, when we try to learn something new within our capacity, instead of longing for what is not, that may bring us closer to the happiness that we crave. 

For me, waking up every day to make breakfast, and smelling the aroma of my coffee evokes pleasurable feelings. This is something I personally look forward to every day. It brings me happiness. Despite its ordinariness, this is an activity I know I can rely on to extract happiness from on a daily basis. From grinding my beans, to pouring the water into my coffee and most importantly, the taste when I sip on it.

By living life this way, noticing the little things, and finding joy in the simplest everyday  things, I stopped wishing for happiness elsewhere. The act of searching for happiness brings mental tension and also more unhappiness. At least it does for me.

And think about it, we can really spend our lives chasing for happiness, chasing for the next high, but then, we can also spend that same time, instead to feel every moment and connect with the present moment and learn to extract happiness from being able to 100% experience the mundane daily activities, being able to connect 100% with the same people and learn something new from them everyday.

Happiness is not only found in that holiday season or new vacation we are looking forward to.. it can also be extracted from our everyday moments if we allow ourselves to. 

“Joy comes to us in moments- ordinary moments. We risk missing out on joy when we get too busy chasing down the extraordinary.” – Brene Brown

Of course, vacations, like any other novel experiences, do serve as an important platform for us to learn, to feel, to find joy but my point is, since we are not able to do that now, how else and where can we find that happiness? Is there a more reliable source?

The answer lies in the here and now. And maybe this is the “new door” that is opened that we need to see. 

Written By:
Jeannette Qhek
BSc in Psychology & Human Resources (Singapore Management University)
Voice of Chill By Nette